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lifewithoutrory:

"id date a fan" doesnt mean "id date a 12 year old who knows more about me than i do"

(Source: samuel-matthew-halliday, via you-wish-you-had-this-url)

grinderman2:

frozenfoxtails:

grinderman2:

*gets on tiptoes to whisper into dairy cow’s ear* why ya titty out

How short are you that you need to stand on your toes to talk to a cow?

Looks like we got ourselves a city slicker

(via absolutelyhomo)

baby: s- s- s
parents: oh, the baby's first words!!
baby: s- sss- si-
parents: sis?? sister??
baby: s- si- si-
baby: SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JÄGER

"That’s who you really like. The people you can think out loud in front of."

- John Green, An Abundance of Katherines  (via wordsnquotes)

baby: a- a- a-
parents: oh, the baby's first words!!
baby: a- aaa- al-
parents: apple?? air??
baby: a- al- al-
baby: Alchemy. The science of understanding, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. However, it is not an all-powerful art; it is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. This is the Law of Equivalent Exchange, the basis of all alchemy. In accordance with this law, there is a taboo among alchemists: human transmutation is strictly forbidden - for what could equal the value of a human soul...?
Baby: D....D...
Dad: Daddy!?
Baby: Doug DimmaDome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome !

snorlaxatives:

legalize peruvian puff peppers

(Source: snorlaxatives, via sixpenceee)

meladoodle:

You know what they say, if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, then its fucking weird Mike again. Who keeps inviting him to parties

sulidaesy:

Please watch this 3 second clip from an actual George Washington documentary.

(via you-wish-you-had-this-url)

bellaisbadatmath:

fleurlungs:

“Life’s too short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don’t care.”

— Matty Healy (The 1975)

image

(Source: hightydes, via just-your-average-egg)

deucebowl:

she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

(via tyleroakley)